some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize