I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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