Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
