Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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