oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
