Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
