they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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