The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
