Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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