Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize