just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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