she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
