Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
