ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I met the friendliest cop last night
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
