Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize