Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
