perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
