Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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