Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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