apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
