How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
