I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize