i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
