There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
