Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
