Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize