Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
