I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
