He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize