Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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