Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
