It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
