Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
