Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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