is your mom at the bar?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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