i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
