You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
