Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In America we eat man semen.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
