Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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