from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you had me at cake vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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