my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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