Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
