You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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