i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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