Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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