He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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