Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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