Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
