Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There was a lot of him and a little penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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