i permit you to call me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
