I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
