you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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