Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
