We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
