Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
