He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
