hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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