Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
