The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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