Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
