the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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