You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
