Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
false alarm, still single
Randomize
