chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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