so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
