you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
