Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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