Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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