Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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