I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
