i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
