Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
