Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
4 words: hood of his car
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
