The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
