NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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