she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
