Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
