I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
