Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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