Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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