I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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