Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize