you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
