You can't special order awesome
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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