good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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