Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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