i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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