Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize