you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
