I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize