Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am midnight drunk by noon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
