So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am spending my child support on dildos
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
