U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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